#but then I kind of stopped being active here

[lerootude]

I study neurology and I can back this up!

Dopamine (the thing that makes us seek activities out) is being processed in our brains allllll the time. It’s what drives us to do, well, everything.

There are generally two phases when engaging in an activity to fulfill a need (this is from an animal behavior background, but in this human context, fulfilling needs can look like doing a work task or errand as well as sleeping/eating/resting)- consummatory and anticipatory.

Production of dopamine (made possible through the activated seeking system- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8406748/) is, in part, driven by your levels of desire To Do The Thing. So the dopamine drives us (which is part of why ADHD brains suck at starting tasks- not enough dopamine production)- that’s anticipatory.

Now, those levels will build and build until you enter the consummatory phase (the basking one, if you will). You have the prize! Typically, dopamine levels peak here, but then what drives us to keep seeking?

It depends on dopamine reward prediction error- Essentially, did the reward exceed or fall below what you expected the reward to be?

If it fell below (you expect a $100 dollar bill,and get a $10), the seeking system will stay activated and you’l produce more dopamine.

If it exceeded your expectations (you expected a $10 bill and got a $100 one) dopamine will peak higher than it did in the initial consummatory phase- in this example, think of the initial consummatory phase as being told the money’s waiting for you- the reward prediction error comes when you find out what that reward is worth.

The tricky thing about dopamine is that it makes us kind of crazy, because it’s natures very own meth. We can also be desensitized to it- I have a theory this is in part how workaholics are formed (pot, meet kettle).

When the reward prediction error is always negative, you’re driven to continue finding rewards until the value of the reward meets your expectations, and so you learn that you never rest. It exhausts us.

How do we fix this? We’re not entirely sure, but we think that mindfulness and appreciation is part of it. Our brain releases dopamine even in rehearsal (ie, thinking of the thing)- so if you stop to savor the moment you get more dopamine and you stay in the consummatory phase longer.

If you want more information, check out Dr. Panskepp’s work on Affective State Neuroscience

If you have achieved something, please remember to observe a mandatory period of basking in the warm glow of your achievement like a lizard on a stone, lest you teach your brain that effort is futile, actually, because it didn't get to enjoy its happy chemicals, so, naturally, nothing good ever comes of trying. (And no, avoiding punishment is not a reward!)

I recommend, like, 5% of basking time in relation to whatever time you invested into achieving the thing minimum. And if you can't make your own bask, friend-brought is fine (= tell your friends!).

[menlove]

queer paul tome pt 1: everything not related to john

okay i've been saying i'd make this post forever and it's uh. long. so i decided to split it up into four parts so i can get this first bit out and let it stop haunting me and so it's not 50 miles long.

feel free to add your own if it's not here or shoot me an ask and i'll add it :)

disclaimer: i'm not definitively saying sir paul mccartney is queer. i mean i really firmly think he is but it's all just speculation. also, if he is, there's obviously a reason he's not out about it & he deserves to have his privacy respected. i just personally find the dominant narrative in the fandom & even in larger spaces that poor pining queer john was in love with tragically heterosexual paul completely unconvincing and neeeeeed to be insane for a minute here

if this pisses u off u can simply scroll on by i do not need an essay in my notes. make your own post if you disagree.

(paul doing this for whatever reason in beverly hills, 1974- also the same trip he saw john on bc sure i guess)

this doesn't include lyrics as the main argument bc i saw a post ages ago basically saying there's nothing outside of them and lowkey i took that as a challenge because there's SO much outside of his lyrics that point to him being queer.

that being SAID, this is going to be split into four posts: not john related (most important and thus first bc there's so much documented about mclennon & john being queer, but not paul by himself), john related, paul's relationships w other men (these ones aren't all like... concrete and that's why they aren't included here but w all the context that'll come before it his relationships to certain men are..... interesting), and finally lyrics last bc some of them you genuinely can't just ignore

part 2- john related part 3- other men part 4- lyrics (those will have links once i actually make them)

also, i'm sure people have made similar posts before- i haven't seen them (other than this one an anon sent while i was writing this up which is sooo interesting but does have a lot of dead links) but if you have one you want to share feel free!

time to get into it. i'm avoiding homework by doing this.

(sidenote: not including instances of him just flirting w men bc body language can be read a lot of different ways- but if y'all wanna add any i know they're a dime a dozen like w george m., mal, random reporters, robert fraser, etc)

1- "Just kidding, Linda..."

REPORTER: You're a very, very good looking man. PAUL: [sits up straighter, making a sort of campy gesture towards the crowd, turning into a point] Get that boy's name. [Drops his hand, smiling and leaning his cheek on his hand.] Just kidding, Linda. REPORTER: [unintelligible] PAUL: What? REPORTER: I said- do you have a secret, looking so nice for fifty years? PAUL: [grins, resting his chin on his hand again and batting his eyelashes] Yes, it's the drugs, you know.

(originally posted on here by @northernsongspeels who hasn't been active in a while) this one is so crazy to me. he's so obviously flirting with that man and he's apologizing to linda for flirting with that man. like it's a conversation they've had before.

2- "Yes, boys."

this video (originally posted by @ilovedig here)

PAUL: Yes, I think the main difference is that when you are that age- which I'm sure you remember, Tom- TOM: It's back there in the dim distant past, yes. PAUL: When you're that age, that's the kind of thing to do. I mean, what you're doing is you're going 'round and you're basically looking for girls or whatever turns you on and stuff. So, uh, yeah, I- TOM: Well- well could you give me the alternatives to girls? Are there others? LINDA: [scoffs] PAUL: Yes, boys. TOM: Oh! No.

3- "He's so good looking."

Paul McCartney first read the name and saw the photo (for weeks there was just one crazy photo of Elvis available in Britain) during a free period at Liverpool Institute. Again, it was a friend with the NME, and there was an advert for Heartbreak Hotel. "I thought, 'He's so good looking,'" Paul says, "he just looked perfect." Mark Lewisohn, All These Years Vol. 1 Tune In, sourced from the Anthology TV series by Lewisohn.

4- "A Nice Person Girl"

this fun little interview... (originally posted by @amoralto idk why the archive.org capture of it looks funky but the audio is still there) take it w a grain of salt bc it can also just read as a homophobic joke but like.

August 22nd, 1966 (Warwick Hotel, New York): As DJ “Cousin Brucie” Morrow conducts brief interviews with each of the Beatles, one by one, he asks Paul to settle the rumours that have been circulating in the press about the status of his relationship with Jane Asher. MORROW: Moving over here to Paul – someone just handed me a card. I guess this is… [focusing] Last year, when you were on my microphone here— PAUL: Ask me something about Rick Sklar. MORROW: Rick Sklar? That’s my boss. JOHN: Ask Paul about Rick Sklar. MORROW: Uh, Paul, last year when you were on my microphone, I think somebody – one of your staff – announced an engagement of you and Jane. PAUL: Uh… MORROW: Do you remember that? It was announced on the air. And then I remember we said something on the air and then thousands of people from the street went, “Oh.” What is it with you and Jane now? How – what is your relationship? Are you planning a marriage, planning an engagement, are you just boyfriend and girlfriend, what is it? Tell us the whole thing. JOHN: [mutters; inaudible] PAUL: Uh. We’re just queer, that’s the scene. [uproarious laughter in background] That’s the scene. Well I mean, I couldn’t say that on the air live, you know. JOHN: No, you’ll get into trouble for it. PAUL: No, the thing is, Cousin Bruce – um, we haven’t got plans to marry yet, you know. That’s the point. And that business about somebody saying we were engaged, nobody actually said it. It was just another one of those things where someone says, “Are they engaged?” and they said, “Well, whatever it is… [muttering]” “Yes, folks, they’re engaged!” And it wasn’t true. MORROW: Well, I’m sure there are a lot of girls who are very happy with this. What would you look for, in a girl? Say you did eventually want to settle down, what would you want to – what kind of girl would you like? What would you – what would you like in a gal you wanted to marry eventually, bring home to Mommy? PAUL: Uh… Female hormones. MORROW: Female. What’ll you go for, any – what, blonde, brunette, what? PAUL: Uh, you know, anything. Anything. Girls. It doesn’t matter if they’re blonde, brunette, or anything, as long as they’ve got it. MORROW: Would you want a nice person – what? A beautiful nice person girl. PAUL: Yeah, you know. A nice person girl. (transcription directly from @amoralto, bold mine)

and again this one COULD just be a lil homophobic joke but idk man his tone here is very different and the fact that he says he couldn't say that on air & john says he'll get in trouble is just. interesting. it's Interesting.

5- "A 26 year old queer never to get married."

Half an hour later it was very quiet, except for a few sobs, and then we decided that we had to see him just once more. We opened the gates and walked slowly in. Someone rang the doorbell. Waited, no one came, rang again. Rang again. Paul answered. We just stood there. God what do we say? "Yes, what do you want?" he said, as if we'd just come to borrow sugar. C. ran out. Someone asked if it was tomorrow, and he said, "Tomorrow." It went quiet again. "What's this - Heartbreak Hotel? What do you think I am a 26 year old queer never to get married? Oh, stick around kids!" We just looked at each other. Oh God, Paul, what have we done now. All we wanted to do was stand there and talk awhile. What was the point in shouting at us like that? We stood there, tears falling but there was no sound. "Apple Scruffs Come to Dinner" by Andrew Bailey, 1970 (x), bold mine

again, like the last one, this one is very... i think he was absolutely being homophobic here, but it's a very telling outburst. like he's yelling this harsh enough to make these girls cry.

6- Harry Harrison's "gorgeous tan"

moving onto this wild quote from many years from now by barry miles about george's older brother (bold mine):

"George Harrison’s elder brother Harry had been to Christmas Island and arrived back with a gorgeous tan in his army uniform and we thought, My God, he’s been made a man of. You used to see this quite regularly, people would be made a man of."

7/8- gender neutral language

let's get into some interesting gender neutral language he uses. now, would this be Particularly compelling with a modern celebrity? not really. but most people his age really don't talk gender neutrally unless it's to be vague On Purpose. like this bit from many years from now, where before this he'd been using exclusively "girl" and "she/her" pronouns talking about hookups, it suddenly shifts to very purposefully vague (bold mine):

With a lot of those people I met and related to, albeit for a short time, I've mercifully forgotten them and I don't really remember what went on, thank goodness. There may have been a few drinks involved and I was a little merry and, you know, you slip back to someone's flat... My main feeling really is one of relief. You do feel like some of it was outrageous. But I'm glad to have had a slightly outrageous period in my life, as long as it didn't hurt anybody, because I'd always felt maybe my character was too careful. I think the great thing was I never had any deep, dark secrets. That's what the papers wanted. They wanted me to be hiding a little Miss Whiplash somewhere, and for the flat to be in my name. But it was never that. It was always a one-night stand with whoever was around and wanted to party.

this next one take w a grain of salt bc the source Is cited but looking it up online only brings up tumblr blogs. the source does seem to exist but i'm being so real i don't care enough to go and buy the source but if anyone wants to and wants to fact-check it have at it. bold mine:

Favourite Drink: If I could only choose one drink it would have to be water. When I’m a bit hung over that’s all I can take. But I still like a Scotch and Coke. I can’t overdo it any more. Four’s my maximum, four and I’m anybody’s. (official program booklet for The Paul McCartney World Tour (1989-90): Lifelines. (1989))

what's also interesting about this one is it's when him and linda were married, which gives some credence to the rumors that they maybe had an open relationship (men or not). it also makes me think of the "just kidding, linda" thing lmao. she can't take her husband anywhere or he's going to be fagging it up the second he gets 4 drinks in him.

9/10/11- the "binary" (ft. a bit of john)

this infamous quote from the lyrics in his section on "hello goodbye" (bold mine) (x):

I'm attracted to the binary. I state that quite casually, but I think there’s actually a lot more to it than my just saying, ‘I’m attracted to the binary.’ Once you get down to the scientific biological level, in my core, I probably am the binary. All of us are probably more binary than we might realise.

context being that when he says "the binary" he means duality. there's a lot of interesting stuff going on in this article, though there's some more john related stuff i'll add here too bc it's super fascinating (sorry, easier to go here than the john section!):

‘Hello, Goodbye’ shows off a binary that we took great advantage of in The Beatles. With regard to John Lennon and myself, the great attraction we had for each other was that we each had a bit the other didn’t have. John could be quite cynical. I was his opposite, in that respect. [...] I think there definitely was a sort of ‘hello, goodbye’ about John and myself. But we loved it. We loved it because John could contribute his caustic wit and I could contribute something more upbeat. Not always, we each did what the other one did from time to time. But if you had to break it down – and though it is a bit crude to say so – there was a binary tension at the heart of our songwriting together.

12- big guys at the gym

onto something more lighthearted and also just ridiculous (x):

"If I'm in a gym and all the big guys have got big weights and they're doing all the big stuff, at the end I do a headstand," he said. "And they come over to me [and say], 'That's pretty impressive man.'" ["78-year-old Paul McCartney’s fitness routine includes headstands and yoga with Alec Baldwin" by Cory Stieg]

13- gay dreams

this infamous quote which i have a bit of a different take on that i'll expand on in a sec (bold mine)

My view is that these things are there whether you want them or not, in your interior. You don’t call up dreams, they happen, often the exact opposite of what you want. You can be heterosexual and be having a homosexual dream and wake up, and think, “Shit, am I gay?” I like that you don’t have control over it. But there is some control – it is you dreaming, it is your mind it’s all happening in. In a way my equation would be that my computer is fully loaded by now. Maybe in younger people there’s a little bit of loading to go, but mine’s loaded pretty much, so what I try and do is allow it to print out unbeknown to me. And I’m interested to hear what it’s got in there. (interview by Karen Wright for Luigi's Alcove, 2000) (x)

a lot of people use this to point to him being oblivious, which i do get, but i want to focus more on the line "it is you dreaming, it is your mind it's all happening in". like he seems interested and fascinated by the revelations we have in our dreams- hardly repressed or scared.

14- royston ellis' "break me in easy"

we've all been over the royston ellis poem and i don't want to just retype out everything that's already on this post so go check out @eppysboys' post on the royston ellis poem!

but tl;dr a bisexual friend of theirs in liverpool, royston ellis, wrote this poem called "Break Me In Easy":

Easy, easy, break me in easy. Sure I’m big time, cock-sure and brash, but easy, easy, break me in easy. Sure they’ve been others, I know the way…

which is about gay sex. he also told the boys that 1 in every 5 men was gay and paul worried that it might be him (this was back in 1960). he still remembered it line for line by 2006 which is just insane. all the sources for those are over on the linked post.

15- woody pecker

originally posted by @didwemeetsomewherebefore here (links to my blog bc the wayback machine was not cooperating right but as long as it stays up you can find the original here!)

PAUL & DONOVAN: How to suck a lollypopper, Sitting on a woodypecker, Dancing in the double-decker shoe, I don’t know, So, how do you do? PAUL: I don't know how you do it, Lordy, knows I try But every time I try to do it, My whole darn tongue gets ti(r)ed

this one is just so sillyyyyy and cute but it's just so full of innuendo like sucking on a lollypop and sitting on a woody pecker and your tongue getting tied (tired?) when you try to suck the uh lollypop. giggling his way through it with one of his boy best friends donovan too.

16- "i heard he was gay"

this fun little quote from body count by francie schwartz:

When the rotation of bike, gun, and other diversions left me alone with Billy, his first words were, "You went with Paul McCartney, didn’t you?" "I bet you just love it when people ask you about your father, don't you?" He was surprised, he half-frowned. "No, really, what's Paul like? I heard he was gay." "He might have gone that way, but he didn't. He really didn't dig fucking all that much, if that's any kind of an answer."

note here though that francie is a notoriously unreliable source on paul. she hates him and honestly makes some pretty homophobic digs at him & others pretty frequently. so it is interesting that she denies he's gay, but says he might have gone that way. given how short of a time they were together and how weird their relationship was, i wouldn't really expect him to be open about that with her- still, she noticed something there too.

17- homosexual handbook

paul was mentioned in the homosexual handbook by angelo d'arcangelo in 1968 under a list of famous homosexuals. it's very tongue in cheek and says this "may just be wishful thinking on (my) part"

and obviously not proof as the book takes a very playful and unserious tone. he does provide this little disclaimer though, which i think is interesting:

Some of the men on this list are self-acknowledged homosexuals. Some are not. All of them are generally thought to be gay. However, as many family men and notorious womanizers appear on these pages, we must—rather than question their forays into either or both sexes—congratulate them on their obvious virility.

because once again like... WHERE are these rumors about paul being gay? because the rest of this list, as far as i can tell (ngl i did not do a deep read there) are men who have/had gay rumors about them or were gay. this comes up more in the john post as well, but i seriously need to know just how many rumors there were about him being gay.

18- "the female hordes"

It was always obvious Brian was gay and we could talk to him about gay things, but he would never come out with, 'Hello, Paul, you’re looking nice today.' I was quite obviously un-gay, due to my hunting of the female hordes, and I think we all must have given the same impression. There had been a suggestion since that John had some homosexual thing with Brian, but I personally doubt it. All the intimate moments we shared were always about girls. (from Anthology)

i know putting one of his "un-gay" quotes here is counter intuitive but listen i have genuinely never heard a gayer thing come out of a man's mouth than "hunting of the female hordes" it sends me to fucking mars every time i read it. that's the most closeted shit i've ever read in my entire life. it sounds like what a gay man would say trying to come up with something a straight man would say. and i think paul's bi, he just desperately wants me to think he's never gotten pussy a day in his damn life with this quote.

as a side-note, "all the intimate moments we shared were always about girls". now what do you mean by that man..... like shared as in verbally told stories? or do you mean it was always about the girls when you guys were...... intimate? because those are two really different things and i need to know what the hell that's supposed to mean

19/20- this poor man just wants to flirt with and kiss men can we let him

okay tumblr has nerfed me and won't let me add any more videos from tumblr but there's a video of drunk paul almost kissing ringo jokingly. posted by @stewy here and as long as it's up you can reblog it here- thank u for the contribution to my red stringing lmfao

pringo for once thank god but. i don't even have anything to say except to point and think of a slur. drunk as hell flirting with your best friend what's better than that.

and then this whole interaction between paul & elton john where they kiss on the mouth

and i could so buy that this is a straight man and gay man just being comfortable together except well see above and see the other posts but also paul's very much adapting a softer, "campier" tone around him and calling him babe/darling in a very, again, gay way. not as in he's gay For elton john lmfao but this is how to old gay friends would greet each other do you see what i mean do you understand me......

anyway that's the end of part 1 join me next time (whenever the fuck i decide to avoid doing homework again um) this man has sucked a dick i'm so sure of this. (not really don't sue me for libel paul love ya)

[angelicgirlmj]

an angels guide: solo valentines

hey angels! whether or not you are single this year valentines is more than just a celebration of romantic love, it should be one of platonic, familial and most importantly self love! oscar wilde wrote ‘to love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance’ and that quote feels so relevant and meaningful to me. after all the only person who will always be with you and experience every moment with you is yourself - you have to give them the love they deserve. with that being said here it is, an angels guide to solo valentines!

write a list of every single thing you love about yourself. doesn’t matter how long or short, how utterly random or specific it is, the point is for you to have a reminder of what makes you loveable in your eyes that is just for you!

read a self discovery book, it could be from any author, genre, fictitious or not, find a book that prominently features a journey of self exploration.

be kind to yourself. have that snack, go to bed a little earlier, take a walk even though it’s cold, stretch as you wake up, whatever helps you treat yourself lovingly and kindly.

buy a physical magazine - cute, girly and depending on the kind you get valentines themed! my favourites are vogue, the new yorker and the paris review!

write yourself a love letter. make it special, meaningful, sweet, whatever you need to receive in the moment. save it till valentines.

buy yourself a little treat. maybe your favourite flowers or snack, maybe a movie ticket, whatever it is get yourself a gift because you deserve to shower yourself with love!

have an everything shower or bath. be slow and mindful, light a candle and put on a playlist, spend as long as you want doing all of your favourite shower activities. use that shower lotion you save for special occasions and spray yourself with a favourite perfume even if you just are getting cozy for bed.

bake yourself something sweet (or savoury, i just associate sweet things with valentines!). maybe strawberry and white chocolate scones, dark chocolate raspberry mouse or a comforting tray of brownies. save it just for you or share with friends and family!

take yourself on a solo date, spend deliberate and conscious time alone. maybe it’s something small like getting a matcha and reading in a coffee shop, maybe it’s something bigger like a shopping spree at your favourite clothes shop or maybe it’s even a solo trip away! do whatever feels right, affordable and needed for you in this moment.

make a self love, valentines playlist!

declutter your room and make your space bright, cozy and comforting. celebrate and honour your space and self, take the time to pick through the things you love, clean them, treat them with care.

have a romcom film night! make a list, get your fave movie snacks, a drink and cozy blanket and settle in and get cozy.

be creative, learn a new creative skill or rediscover an old one, please use your hands, use your mind, make something just for yourself regardless of how good you think it is.

explore your city or town or the place you live by yourself (if safe and able to do so!), bring a camera or take pictures on your phone. stop and be in the moment, find pockets of brightness and beauty. bring your headphones, find a song that fits your mood. pick up pretty rocks or things you find them and save them. keep things that will remind you of yourself in this moment, this place and put them in a junk journal or memory box.

move your body in a way that honours it and is kind. do a dance workout with rests when you need, move slowly during a pilates workout, go for a run and take the time to breath deeply and drink cold, fresh water. love your body and all that it does for you.

i know for many (regardless of their relationship status) can feel at best bored or like this time of year is pointless, or at worse lonely and upset. this year i want you to focus on finding love within yourself, because, angels, you are so full of it. let internal love fulfill you and then let the external find you. what are your plans for solo valentines or solo valentines activities this month? let me know i would love to hear it and get some inspiration!

happy valentines! love, m.

[candyandcyberware]

Primal instincts

Aaron Hotchner x reader

You lean against a tree as you watch your boyfriend stretch his limbs with sheer determination visible on his face. It’s clear he can’t wait to start the chase, and he loves the idea of being the predator that hunts you–the prey, the precious prize–in the woods. When he notices the way you’re watching him, he flashes a smug smirk at you, as if he was silently telling you there’s no way you can get away from him. Not like you want to, though. 

This little game is something you two have been planning for a while now, a special activity he heard about at an unbelievably boring gala. Who would have thought that an event with a bunch of boring old people can be the very place where he listens to a drunk heir’s speech about playing it with his boyfriend somewhere near Seattle during a business trip there. He even went into details, telling Aaron things he honestly didn’t want to hear. 

The next day he told you the story, just for the laughs, but then he thought more about it as he watched you do mundane things around the apartment and he began to drop hints here and there, during the most casual conversations in the car, or when you were watching a movie on the couch after Jack went to bed. “You would look so good from behind when you’re trying to get rid of me, though,” he said. At first, you thought he was joking, but then a few days later another comment came as he nonchalantly said, “I want to play rough with you.”

So, you agreed, and now it’s time to play the game he prepared so carefully. Jack is staying with his aunt, which means the two of you have the whole night to play together, and he chose a location that was an hour long drive away from his apartment, so he even reserved a hotel room to stay in. But now as you’re watching him, you begin to have some doubts. Maybe you’re just nervous since you’ve never done anything like this, but what if you get hurt? You can always trip in a root or something. 

“Baby, it’s gonna be fine. It will be fun, I promise,” he says as he closes the gap between you and puts his hands on your hips to pull you against himself. 

Sometimes you wonder if he can actually read minds, because somehow he always knows what’s going on inside your head. But maybe it’s just his profiler side putting in the work every now and then to help him out. Either way, it’s equally cute and annoying, but you’re not really complaining. As you wrap your arms around his neck and pull his head down for a quick kiss, you can’t help but flash a playful smile at him. 

With his hand pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, he looks at you with the kind of adoration you’ve barely seen since the first days of your relationship. “Are you ready?” The question is simple, but it still makes you think hard. After some time, though, you nod with a smile. “Good. I’ll give you a headstart.”

He doesn’t have to say it twice, you immediately start running into the woods, praying to whatever is out there that can protect you not to let you trip and fall flat on your face. The darkness swallows everything in the distance, you have no idea where you’re heading, but this game isn’t about thinking, this is strictly about your instincts. You need to run, that’s all you can and have to think about now. 

The chilly night air makes you shiver when you stop for a second to take a look around and listen to any sound that might tell you if Aaron is getting near, but all you can hear is the pounding of your heart in your ears. You’re not even sure what it is you feel right now. Is it fear? Is it excitement? Or can it be the mixture of these two? 

Whatever it is, it’s addicting, you want to be in this state of mind forever, you love the thrill this game gives you. You might be the prey now, someone who’s supposed to escape the predator, but all you want is your boyfriend finally catching up and showing you what hides behind his ever-present self-control, what primal needs lurk in the background, waiting to have you just the way he wants. 

Your breathing finally slows down, so you begin to wonder which direction to go next. You have a GPS, you can find your way back to the car, therefore you can go anywhere you want. But as you think, you suddenly hear the sound of a twig that was stepped on, and your attention turns to the task of finding out where it’s coming from. You listen, you even hold your breath to be more quiet, but there’s nothing. He probably realized you could hear that and stopped. Or maybe it was some animal. 

“Got you!” Aaron says happily as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind, keeping you close to his chest. 

You turn your head a little, only to be kissed right away, and you can’t help but turn in his arms to face him properly. Instead of kissing you again, though, he takes a few steps forward in an attempt to push you back, just until you’re caged between him and a tree. His warm brown eyes are watching your every move, paying attention to every little detail he might find important later, mostly regarding the game you’ve been playing. Did you enjoy it? Are there any signs of you liking it so much you might want to do it again some other time? 

He pulls you out of your thoughts with another kiss, a much messier, hungrier kiss that showcases how badly he wants you. That sense of urgency as he slowly slips his hand under your shirt makes you moan into his mouth, a sound that’s swallowed by him right away, and soon you can feel his hands move to your back to unclip your bra with his skilled hand. Once he’s done, he grabs the hem of your shirt and pulls it over your head along with the bra, then throws them both on the ground. 

It hurts you to see those precious items on the ground, surrounded by insects and dirt, two things you would never let them near. But Aaron took the lead, he’s the one making the rules here, and it will be his credit card that pays for the dry cleaner and the new pieces you’ll buy anyway. As a token of your gratitude, you will let him join you for lingerie shopping. He’ll see you in everything and he can make the final decision of which piece he wants to regularly take off of you. 

A jolt of electricity shoots through your body when you feel his teeth sink into your shoulder near your neck, and it’s clear that it will leave a mark eventually. Your eyes close as you focus on the way his warm, wet mouth is moving over to your collarbone in a way that makes it clear you’ll be covered in hickeys and bite marks tomorrow. 

And honestly? You will wear these marks with pride.

[sombrashe]

Hiii would you be willing to write something with the Dae-ho and a chubby reader please ❤️

There are literally no fic of him with a chubby reader

rabbit ∿ daeho x chubby!reader

content fluff, chubby!reader (in depth description of a bigger body), no gender mentioned

notes sorry this is so short ˙◠˙i hope i did daeho justice, i woke up at 2 am after dreaming about some of this / also why did i name it this? ¯\_(ツ)_/��

you mind is foggy, the haze from being freshly woken up strong. blinking you yawn and stretch, your leg shaking slightly. looking down you see your boyfriend, your wonderful boyfriend, resting comfortably between your legs. you shirt has been raised with your stomach on full display. soft kisses are being placed against the thick later of fat gained over the years. you rub at your eyes as he places a simple kiss against the elastic of your underwear before pulling away.

"Did I wake you, angel?"

"Maybe?"

you're not exactly sure but it didn't matter. you were awake now and wanted cuddles. reaching down you do your best to cup his face. his jawline prominent against your fingertips. kissing up your body and lands the last one against your moisturized lips. smiling, you hug around his neck as he settles beside you. hands grip at the plush skin resting on your hip. fingers dip into the soft skin. you absentmindedly play with the soft hairs resting against the nape of his neck. you stiffen slightly before relaxing into his hold as his hands move. dipping his fingers beneath the lowest roll on your back he happily pinches the raised skin. you keep your face buried in his chest, strong and prominent against your cheek. he was all angles, a vast contrast to your soft curves.

"Any plans for the day?"

"Lying in your arms."

he laughs and it causes your heart to race. he has such a soft and kind laugh. you could listen to it for hours. kissing his exposed chest you try to mold your body closer to his.

"Any closer and you'd be inside me."

"Yet, it still wouldn't be close enough."

he places a gentle kiss against the top of your head. his fingers press into the stretched scars adorning your chub. anytime he feels overwhelmed he simply sneaks a hand against your lower stomach and traces the stretched marks there. you never fight him and simply return to your activity as he self soothes. you hope he isn't feeling overwhelmed and start to unfold yourself from him. the last thing you want is to be the reason he starts to spiral all because you needed his warmth.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine, sorry."

"Don't say sorry."

"Okay, sor-. I'll try."

you feel him nod, your hair shifting with the minuscule movement. tucking your arms between your bodies you feel calmer. sighing, goosebumps cover the skin effected. you two lay intertwined with one another until your stomach decides to ruin the silence. heat covers your cheeks before moving to the tips of your ears as another grumble is heard.

"Here. Let me cook something for you."

"I'll be fine."

"No, you need to eat."

"But."

"Get up, my love."

you do as he says and peel yourself off him. rolling out of bed you step to the side allowing him room to stretch. you watch with barely concealed glee. if you were a cartoon you'd be drooling with your eyes popping out of your head. his muscles swell as he stretches his back. blinking, your pupils dilate as you take him in. you don't notice his doing the same as you wet your lip. he pops his neck and his collarbone exposes itself more clearly. you want to chew on it. grinning at you he pinches your cheek. you puff them out with a frown and his eyes flutter. smooshing your face he notes how you resemble a panda. he would never say it out loud but he loved you squishy you were. how pinchable and grippable you were. before getting too lost in you he pulls himself away and guides you into the kitchen. he stops you close to the fridge so you can help him grab the ingredients.

[jewish-vents]

Are we allowed to rant about celebrities here ? So many people bashing Jewish celebrities for standing up for Jewish identity but no ones bash the "Jews" who sides with Palestinians and antisemitism. So here's my rant. I'm on the GOT/HOTD (Game of Thrones, House of the dragon fandom) and so many actors (Lena Headey, Carice van Houten, Liam Cunningham..) made videos denouncing the so-called genocide in Gaza but the WORST for me is garbage actor Fabien Frankel (playing Criston Cole in the series), who is Jewish on his dad side (don't know if his mom converted), was seen a month ago in a pro-Palestinian wedding celebrating with Palestinian flags while they were singing 'from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free' in London. The same Palestinians who took British Jews as hostages and murdered them. Fabien Frankel is the synonym of the "as a Jew" kind of Jew. Not practicing, not eating kosher, not going to the synagogue, not praying, not supporting Israel, BUT he will proudly go to a Palestinian wedding to use his "Jewish" status to support a cause that wants to exterminate his people and those same Pro-Palestine supporters will say 'We are not antisemites but antizionists, we had a Jewish celebrity supporting Palestine at our wedding!'. Fabien Frankel never posted anything for Israel but instead participated and posing proudly for a charity donating to Palestine claiming Palestinians are being 'starved and genocided'. Same for antisemite Olivia Cooke who posted about Gazans being starved with no electricity just a few weeks after October 7 happened, and continued to like many posts regarding the 'genocide' in Gaza. I wish people would boycott this cheap spin-off so their fakeass activism and antisemitism destroy their careers as pathetic may it be and stop going after Noa Schnapp and Gal Gadot courageous takes.

.

[loop-lover-central]

ACTIVATED MY SLEEPER AGENT TIME FOR EVEN MORE YAP SESSION AGAIN

So phase 2 siffrin happens right around here

I feel like it goes something like

They argument with Loop happens, they storm off to the clock tower and hear their friends talking, they decide to try and go to the house alone, and then RECORD SCRATCH LOOP COMES TO SAVE THE DAY AND TRY TO STOP THEM only to fail because Loop has been sitting under a tree doing nothing for however many loops now while Siffrin was on that alpha grindset, THEN Loop decides to get the party involved.

Also

Siffrin only incapacitates Loop instead of killing them and Loop doesn't try to kill Siffrin, mostly trying to pacify them instead of really fight. Because parallels.

Also because Loop gets totally stomped and left in the dirt probably somewhere on the road to the house it means Loop has to actually reach out to the party and call for help and not just like. Kinda reveal themselves to them all cool and mysterious style and play coy and distant.

Basically imagine the party all at the dinner table, worrying why Siffrin hasn't come back yet then a voice just projects into all their minds "SOS SIFFRIN'S GONE OF THE DEEP END HE'S GOING TO THE HOUSE ALONE I COULDN'T STOP HIM MYSELF HELP" and then on the way to the house they find the most pathetic and beat up wet cat just off the road. Mirabelle's instantly like "oh we gotta help this guy right now look at them" and all the while Loop is so damn uncomfortable seeing them and having them fuss over them and urging them to go stop Siffrin instead because "He's more important" and "I can regenerate I'll be fine soon enough". But the party being the party just has to keep this mystery star person because they're hurt :( they need help :( so now Loop has to BE THERE TOO. Which. Hell for Loop. Hell.

So now Loop has to guide the party through the nightmare house. They have to witness the ghosts firsthand. The gore of left over sadnesses. How much the house has twisted and corrupted itself. The lingering smell of burning sugar sticking in the back of their throat. All while trying to not to absolutely lose their marbles being around the party. The party that doesn't recognize them, but nevertheless shows them kindness.

And then they have to see Siffrin the lowest they've ever seen them. And it's all their fault. If they'd never made that wish this never would have happened. There's so many emotions swelling up in Loop. And then seeing the party immediately leave their side to be with Siffrin, to help Siffrin.

Loop

Starts

Getting

Big

Remember my Boop?

Well

Phase 2 Siffrin...

[iamhereinthebg]

This may be a strange question but have you ever been bullied in the tbhk fandom? I am having a hard time here

Heya no worries at all for the question! This is an important thing and if you needed to have a place to say it I am happy you did!

I really hope people will be nicer to you :// There is never a good reason for bullying unfortunately it happens a lot on internet QvQ my only advice would be to block those people and/or delete anonymous asks for a while if people are just putting stuff as anonymous :///

To answer your questions, idk if it counts as bullying but I was the target of some stuff like that yep, and tbh I don't really know why. People can have the opinions they want but I will be honest in the tbhk fandom you like a character or a ship that is not 'what everyone in the fandom should like' and people start menacing you for no reason.

A lot of people in this fandom are kids who sometimes don't get what insulting people do. (and not only kids but it is one of the reason, I feel like a lot don't have 'internet basis' like not saying everything about yourself on twitter help.)

Which is also one of the reason I am taking my distances with anyone in this fandom because I had too many unwanted stuff like when I was just trying to be nice and answer messages. It's not because we are in the same fandom that we are bffs.

This is sad to say but yes I don't think you can just have fun 'fun' in this fandom anymore, people will make sure you have a hard time for no reason and honestly I am tired of people who are unable to understand that we aren't just bots on the internet and that Surprise! people have feelings wow

I hope you will be better but don't hesitate to take some time off the fandom a bit ^^ I am being overly dramatic here because I had some bad experiences (I've been in the fandom since the start of 2020 so welp) but a lot of people are really nice and I am sure you can make some friends too ^^ (I did too! even if a lot aren't in the fandom anymore, it's nice seeing mutuals from far away doing their lives)

[grvntld]

26 may 2024—got my much wanted (((and needed))) pamper sesh (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ im so happeh like yay!

𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼 hand spa x foot spa × hot stone massage × microdermabration and perfectio x face therapy

𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼 miss v, the one who attended to me, told me my hands are like a baby's bc theyre actually already soft prior to the hand spa lol

𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼 i supah dupah mega ovah missed doing this!

𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼 gosh tell me why did i stop doing this again???¿?? right, life happened—

𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼 felt like a princess—nawp, wait, scratch that hMpf i felt like a dyosa fairy queen thank you very much

[malaak]

I fucking hate Bucharest leftists I do not complain about them enough I hope they all blow uUPPPP

[shmowder]

just need to vent about the Olympics

[fettery-fetterie]

if i was an artist with budget i'd be able to draw the buildup and all. i am not an artist with budget tho. so 3 panels will do

Kinda suggestive/nsfw tags btw go there with caution

anyways i think i huave covid

[wild-at-mind]

I honestly feel so alone in my communities (trans, queer, whatever else) a lot of the time and I can't articulate why to anyone irl.

[phagodyke]

i keep getting irrationally miffed at ppl 😐😐

[n4b3]

.

[snapbackslide]

Hello! I saw your post in #online scam about someone by the name of craftpatch1 saying they want to use your work for inspiration. This is a known scam known as the 'muse scam' that I covered on @scam-alerts! Anyone offering you money to use photos or works as 'inspiration' offering you a cheque or asking you for your paypal is 100% trying to scam you. If you'd like to read more about this scam, here's the post: https://www.tumblr.com/scam-alerts/767337113218940928 take care!

thank you, i appreciate it